The Sugar Shame

One of the quickest ways to unintentionally shame a type one diabetic is to verbally tell them, “You can’t eat that because it has sugar!” That is a shoot from the hip approach I’m using to get to the seriousness of this issue surrounding type one diabetics and sugar. The word itself is often automatically connected with diabetes.

A myth about being a type one diabetic is that we are not allowed to eat sugar or that it is bad for us. For one, our bodies need sugar. Our bodies need carbohydrates, which are broken down into sugar in our bodies. The sugar is essential for our bodies to create energy to survive. Glucose is necessary for our health and all of the cells in our body need it to function.

So to think because our bodies no longer produce insulin means therefore we cannot eat it is quite honestly irrational thinking. Yes, our bodies no longer produce insulin. But that it is why we use artificial insulin and delivery through a variety of devices. Basically, as long as we use insulin we can have sugar. Technically, we could eat as much sugar as we want.

Let me say that once again… just to be clear. Someone with type one diabetes can eat sugar. It will not kill us. However, if we do not take our insulin or measure our blood level in order to provide the proper care… then it is dangerous. Therefore, the sugar is the method of which would harm us, but the brutal honesty is that it’s our failure to manage our own diabetes that would be the culprit.

I’ve explained this over and over again to a number of different people. Multiple times. Even to the same person. Yet, sometimes the idea of a diabetic eating sugar still seems to be a big “no, no” in which others often respond to us by saying we can’t have that, or we should watch what we are eating, or we need to take our health more seriously.

**Surprisingly enough, I just came back from a recent endocrinologist appointment with an A1C and full blood work and my doctor reports that besides my pancreas giving up on me – – I have perfect health. Just had to throw that in there because of the assumption that when I eat sugar it means I’m not healthy or neglecting my health**

Ever since I was a teenager some friends and their parents have told me I can’t eat some of the snacks at a party because it has sugar. As an adult I’ve been told over and over about not being able to eat something at a work staffing or event because it has sugar. When we hear those words (which I have personally for over 19 years) my hand retracts and the shame comes out.

So let’s get down to where the word sugar can often become a shame-based word for someone living with diabetes. In their book, Overcoming Guilt and Shame, Daniel Green and Mel Lawrenz define shame as an emotion. They describe how it can both helpful and destructive. According to Green and Lawrenz, connection is essential when it comes to a healthy way of living.

In a good sense, shame serves as an emotional alarm and signals isolation and alienation; and it can also steer us away from further inappropriate acts to keep us from additional harm. In a destructive sense, shame can create significant problems within us and our relationships. We may view ourselves as being bad, stupid, or not being worthy. This kind of thinking and feeling can push us away from others and further disconnect.

Guilt is not actually a feeling. Although people often connect it with a feeling, it is a status. Guilt simply begins as a question of a status: Am I guilty or not? So, how does this relate to sugar and type one diabetes? Simply put, we are NOT GUILTY of eating sugar. However, when someone makes a comment such as, “You are not allowed to eat that” we become disconnected. We begin to feel ashamed of our disease and even ourselves. If we were to eat sugar and not take our insulin, then we would be GUILTY of not managing our diabetes properly and would need to deal with making amends to that.

In the past, when people made comments about not being able to eat sugar or that by eating sugar I am not taking care of my diabetes, it created an instant disconnection. A disconnection with that person, with others around, or even with myself. I felt I was different, bad, wrong, diseased, and so on and so forth. I looked at myself with hatred and disgust because of what having this disease is causing in my life (and at the time it’s causing disconnection from others).

The reason I call it unintentional is because deep down, I believe most people don’t know better and are only trying to make sure we are taking care of ourselves. That’s where being educating and talking to others about our disease becomes important. It’s a way for me to connect again to that person and explain, “You know I understand you are probably trying to help, but there is nothing wrong or guilty about me having sugar as long as a take my insulin – and here it is” (imagine me showing off my insulin pump in this scenario).

Connection is a key component to removing the shame. Green and Lawrenz identified four ways to connect; with others, with ourselves, with the truth, and with God.  In this sense, I can connect with others by educating people on the truth about diabetes or reach out to a support network of other type one diabetics who understand the experience I am going through. I can connect to myself by knowing that I take care of my health and am still a good person regardless of my disease. I can connect to the truth in accepting that I am a diabetic, that I am taking care of my health, and that I am not guilty for eating sugar as long as I take insulin. Finally, I can connect with God when people still seem to not understand or make comments to simply say, “Let go and let God.”

To learn more about shame I highly recommend reading the book Overcoming Guilt and Shame by Daniel Green and Mel Lawrenz. Even after so many years of living with the disease it has helped me deal tremendously with the shame that can come with having to live with a chronic illness. I have a greater understanding of the dynamics of guilt and shame, but most importantly it has helped me discover ways to connect in order to overcome it.

When sugar and diabetes is mentioned together it can still bother me at times – – that is probably never going to go away. I still get upset that people can be misguided, lack the education, or feel the need to tell us what to do with our health (especially when we are at a point in our lives where we are taking care of ourselves). I can do my best to try and educate others through various means but in the end I cannot control what others do.

But now, I have ways of overcoming the shame I often experienced for a number of years related to a part of my disease. Sugar is not bad for me. Sugar is not the enemy. Sugar is sugar. Diabetes is diabetes. Despite their somewhat easy connection with one another they are not the same.

To all the non-diabetics out there, learn more about type one diabetes and what it means for someone to live with it. Make a conscious effort to not automatically assume that a person with type one diabetes cannot have sugar, is not allowed to, or is bad for doing so. Instead, try and connect with them and ask about something in relation to it such as, “Now I know you can have sugar, so how do you manage that?” Most of us will share or talk about it. But, when we are approached the other way about it we often retreat into shame because of not wanting to be hurt again.

To all my fellow type one diabetics out there, continue to work on recognizing the distinction between guilt and shame. Guilt being a status, while shame is an emotion. By reading this you probably have a greater understanding of how the two intertwine and most importantly how it can relate to our disease. Make sure to ask yourself, “Am I guilty of something?” If so, find a way to make amends to it. For example, if you missed taking your blood make amends by taking it right away. If you are not guilty but feeling bad, find ways to connect in order to prevent shame from impacting our lives any greater than it already has.

At first, to end this blog post I thought of making a comment about finding something sugary to eat, counting the carbohydrates, testing my blood, entering in the correct amount of insulin, and indulging in the sweetness of a sugary snack. But, I simply don’t want to eat something like that right now – not because I can’t, but simply because I don’t want to. But, don’t worry because the next time I do it will not be served with a side of guilt or shame.